2014-03-01 - How Many Heartbeats?!
"Nat, I don't want to argue, but you got to get regular exams and checkups! Things can happen, complications and stuff, you aren't a super soldier anymore. And there is taking care of yourself, making sure you are getting the nutrients, and more. I'm not a professional in this," Tony states, "But I can do an early exam. I don't know if Pym can do this stuff, he might suggest a dedicated doctor that this is their expertise, you know? I mean, someone has to help you deliver that baby! Do you seriously want /me/ catching it like a football you passed from between your legs?!" And Stark makes life all the more interesting with how he words things sometimes as he actually carries Nat into the Medical Bay. Yes, carries. And he's grinning and really, really trying not to burst into laughter. Natasha has her arms around Tony's neck, giving him a look of moderate irritation. "Really, Tony? Really?" She sighs. "You have to put it that way, don't you?" Being carried? Isn't her favorite thing. But it seems to amuse Stark, and him smiling and laughing has been rare lately. So she humors him. Ant-Man gives Tony a dopeslap upside the back of his head as he comes in. "Stop talking now." Pym throws a few folders down on a table and says, "It is my sad duty to tell you that apart from expressing himself like an ass Tony has made cogent arguments. Yes, you should get a regular doctor. Dr. McCoy would be an excellent choice. He's a regular MD as well as being versed in superhuman physiology. Now, put the mother down on the table. We're all impressed you have found a woman you can lift on your own without the metal suit." Stark acks. "Hey, you are going to make me drop Nat!" Not really, it isn't like Pym smacked him hard. He sticks his tongue out at Pym briefly. "Brat. You know very well I'm in prime physical condition." Pym is one of the few that do know Stark has nano-tech swimming around inside him, a modern day Super Soldier. He moves to set Nat on one of the med-bay tables. "So, if you aren't comfortable seeing a regular doctor, we can ask McCoy. I'm sure if I give him the puppy dog eyes, he will give in," Stark suggests to Nat. He did wake up in a good mood today for whatever reason. "Anyway, with his enhanced reflexes, he should be able to catch the baby that shoots out all the more smoothly than me!" He does make sure to step away from Nat's and Pym's reach via arms and legs at that tone though! "So, how about that checkup now, so I stop making football jokes about birthing?" Stark using bribery. "Probably in your best interest, if you intend on living to see your child," Natasha responds. Probably joking. Hopefully joking. But she's on day three without caffeine, so that's questionable. She's already beginning to swell up some, put on weight. Not enough that it's entirely noticeable-- other than the fact that she has tended towards extremely well-fitted clothing, which are a bit tighter than they usually are. "Afternoon, Doctor Pym," she says, shooting the man an apologetic look. Stark can be a pain, can't he? Ant-Man takes Natasha's wrist to check her pulse. There are scanners for that but it's what care providers are supposed to do. "Hello, Ms. Romanova. Please call me Henry or Pym. Dr. Pym makes me feel very pretentious and old coming from a young woman like yourself. Hmmm. I'm going to take your temperature, turn your head." He places a thermometer in her ear and initiates a thermal scan as well. Young woman?! Stark chokes on laughter, and struggles to keep a straight face! He goes to look at one of the nearby controls, to frustrate Nat with some of his own medical scans for his own records. He doesn't declare what they are, but guess he might answer if asked! Seventy some-odd years old, and looks in her early thirties. Well, young is relative. Natasha does grin a bit at Pym in response though. She obediently goes through the motions Pym or Stark require her to, turning her head, allowing for scans and whatnot. Her temp is fine. All of her readings are within norms. Except That she's putting on a little /too/ much weight for how early in the pregnancy she is. Oh, and now there are three heartbeats. One up high, and two, smaller, weaker, but steady... below. Ant-Man looks at the readout. Then he taps the machine. Then he gives it a good thump. Then he grabs his stethoscope and places it on Black Widow's abdomen. He reflects on how many men would die getting that far. Then he listens carefully. Yep. "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here," he says in a measured tone. He takes the stethoscope from his ears and is grinning in spite of himself. "Three heartbeats. No doubt. I'm going to run a sonar scan now." Stark is doing scans on blood pressure and other things on Nat, rather than the babies themselves. He doesn't know anything about babies and how they should be developing! He has been doing research, but he has only scratched the surface! A pause..., "Wait, what?" Dazed, confused. "Did you just cuss? You /never/ cuss?" A pause, "No, no, you aren't reporting to be Skrull. The detector is working, right?" "Eh?" Natasha looks down at Pym. "Three?" She does the math. "No, no. Two. There should be two. Mine and child's." Ant-Man grabs the detector and looks at it and then listens again. "I only cuss when the universe tries to tell me I'm not as smart as I think I am. I cussed when I built Ultron, when I got stuck at 12 feet tall for six months, and the first time I saw Jan in a bikini ... wait, subtract one heartbeat for the mother! I'm a dumbass. Two heartbeats! Twins. ... I think I have to sit down." Pym staggers a little. "HOW IS THAT BETTER?!" Stark freaking out, loudly! Jarvis actually enters at that moment, "Pardon me, but is there an issue?" He sounds quite proper as usual, but there is an edge of concern to his tone. He has been extra careful in preparing Nat's food lately, if she has noticed or not. "I...I don't know. I'm confused." Geez, MEN?! Nat is going to have to save the day again! Because honestly? Tony is multiplying all his plans times two and accidentally added two houses to buy, and got confused and lost about there internally. Well, Natasha isn't exactly... "Twins? As in... two. Two... children..." she looks about the same as she did when she was told she was pregnant in the first place. Which is to say, in the closest thing she gets to panic. "STARK. How did this happen? HOW?" She looks like she's about to get up off the bed and bolt. Ant-Man picks his head up from between his knees. "Everyone calm down! My God, we've dealt with mad gods, deranged robots, Namor (off and on), the US CONGRESS. You can deal with two children. We all can help ... well maybe not Bruce. I mean do you know how many eggs a queen ant lays and they all get cared for. Hire a freaking au pair ... for yourselves, not the ants. But my point is ... ANTS!" He sticks his head between his knees again. Ahhh blood back to brain feels good. Chases the dumb away. Ants. "Well, actually," Stark says almost robotically, "There is this thing with one egg splitting or two eggs being fertilized depending on what type of twin..." Jarvis then clears his throat, "I doubt that is what she means sir," he states to derail Tony. "I believe these things just happen sometimes Miss Romanova. Best to look at it not as something intimidating, just means double the practice." A pause when Jarvis overhears Tony saying something mostly beneath his breath about two houses, but he already has one, so wouldn't that be three houses? "You do not need to double everything sir." And that's a save! "I guess that makes you an Aunt Pym! I mean, an Uncle! A damn Uncle!" Rrrrright. Stark will get it straight and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You just offered to babysit by the way. I accept your offer." "I..." Natasha looks between the three of the men. "I... need coffee. A beer. Coffee and a beer." She gives Tony a Look. "This is your fault. I am not completely sure how, but this is your fault. You.. and your super soldier... ness... and your... you..." she's actually sputtering. Yes, she's not taking this news well at all. It was hard enough for her to wrap her head around one child. Two. Two is terrifying. She's not sure how she's going to parent one. "Jarvis, why are there two?" Ant-Man found a paper bag somewhere which he has been breathing into. He looks up at Tony and says, "I was thinking more about tutoring. Can I just build you a nanny bot or something like that Daisy doll Hank built for Asia? She's cute." "Super soldier?" That gains a look from Jarvis. Yes, Jarvis is looooking at Tony pointedly. Tony looks like he is about to dive for cover! "I...I'll explain later, and not my fault! Nano-tech wouldn't cause this! I'm just apparently....have very strong sperm naturally?" Jarvis sighs at Tony's words. "Sir...go sit down." Least Tony actually listens to Jarvis. "I'll bring some tea this time Miss Romanova, something that will help calm you down. What is done is done, it is always best to clear one's head and work on moving forward," he states practically. Glad someone is sane, right? Tony shudders, "Daisy gave me nightmares, you rebuilt that evil thing? I don't think all of its tech was human, sometimes I don't get along with non-human tech very well wirelessly." Natasha does slip off the medical bed, though to move over to Stark and slide in his lap, burying her face in his shoulder. "I don't know if I can..." she mutters into his neck. Give her a few minutes and she'll be better equipped to handle it. But she's a bit overwhelmed. Jarvis' expression softens and he quietly leaves to go get that tea he promised. Tony on the other hand is taken a bit by surprise! But he recovers quickly enough, soon tugging Nat into his lap as he is sitting on another med-bay bed. He rubs her back, "Hey, hey," he says quietly. "We are superheroes, we can handle this, Pym's right you know...not only do we have each other, we got friends. We will get through this." He's scared of his own words, but Tony says them for Nat, to support Nat. Seeing Tony as 'caretaker' is likely something Pym isn't exactly used to seeing. Natasha snuggles closer to Tony. "Dammit, Stark. This. We are not ready for this. Not even a little bit." She peers up at him. "... I'm not making /this/ announcement. You are. When I did the last one, things went poorly." "Yes, and Simon was an ass." But Stark leans down to kiss the tip of Nat's nose. "I'll...make the announcement, when we are damn ready too. Janet can know too, but the rest...let's keep it quiet between the five of us for a bit so we can get used to the idea," he says quietly. "If someone asks about the child, we can say it's children, but...let's not make a big announcement over this right now." "What are we going to do?" Natasha asks softly, snuggling against him. "No, do not answer that. We are going to have to deal with /two/ mini-yous crawling around underfoot. Causing problems. Setting the lab on fire." Wait. At this point, a smile is actually tugging at her lips. She needed a moment to adjust. Now she's in troll mode. "Yes, setting the lab on fire, and possibly causing you to get grey hairs." She reaches up and tugs teasingly at his hair. Ant-Man breathes into the bag some more. "Knowing my luck, they be mini-/yous/," Tony says about Nat. "And I don't need their help to set my lab on fire!" Sadly, no. "And boy am I glad I'm a super soldier right now." He then falls silent, giving Nat another hug. "So...you going to live Pym? Or did the babysitting thing really terrify you?" Natasha sighs. Deeply. She's a little shaky, but she's recovering. "Twins. Bozhe moi. One is bad enough. Two will be terrifying. We will manage." Ant-Man looks up again and says, "It'll be fine. People have been having kids for millions of years. This is really a good thing in that you're going back on the Super Soldier Serum afterwards so no more kids. Being an only child can be very lonely. Even if your parents aren't superheroes and super spies." "Hey, someone didn't tell me their super soldier serum was suppressed or that their sterility was associated with it!" Basically, don't look at me woman, we didn't have communication! But Tony then shrugs, "Alright, so I guess I should have used condoms...which reminds me, why did S.H.I.E.L.D. send me a crate of condoms?" Tony does not appear overly amused by that. He found them when he finally got around to visiting his penthouse again, he did forget about that delivery from was it last week? Though toward Pym, "Well...we are going to need to activate Jocasta soon and get her situated, cause I'm going to need to see about using JARVIS as an assistant at this point. Furthermore, I'm still debating if I should upgrade him to A.I. status. He doesn't have an imprint of anyone, but I suppose I could ask Jarvis..." Jarvis returns to tea, "I'm flattered sir, but I make no promises to agreeing." He moves over to hold the tray out so Nat can get her tea, and there is a glass of juice for Tony who raids his, and a drink for Pym...which Pym will find out is a spiked Irish Cream Coffee. See, isn't Jarvis nice? Ant-Man shakes his head, "I'm sorry but I believe Jan has some firm ideas on what the room is going to be. I don't think it's wise to go against her design choices. Of course I'll be busy screening schools for them ... oooh coffee and something more. Thank you Jarvis." "I am sure it is a token of the Director's /appreciation/ that I am off field duty for several months," Natasha replies wryly to the comment about the crate and its contents. She takes the tea with a tight smile and a soft 'thank you' to Jarvis. She gives Pym a look, and a sigh. "I think the color of a child's room-- two children's room? Rooms?-- ranks among the lesser concerns I have at the moment." She considers. "Tony, what if either... both? of the children are also... like you?" The lilt to her tone indicates her worry is more... super soldier in concern; not dark haired, brilliant, and slightly insane. "In any event-- Jen is working on the legal issues, and it seems now I will worry myself with tactical ones. Stark... we /will/ have to announce this at some point. And soon. Its that or I cannot go out in public. Two? I will be..." she scowls some, "...very round. Very soon. It will be noticeable." A chuckle from Tony, "Well, I'm hoping Janet will help design some clothing at the very least, but interior design isn't exactly my strong point, but no way in hell are we using pink." He then kisses the top of Nat's head before taking a drink of his juice. He then pauses at the mention of announcing it publicly. "Shit....I suppose...there is the Stark Expo coming up, and I'm hoping to have Red Guardian dealt with by then," he states. "We can make the announcement there." He takes another drink of juice, thoughtful. "Shouldn't the babies be together in one room while growing up, then get separate rooms later? I don't know, I never had a sibling. As for being 'like me', they shouldn't. I still have some concerns, we all do, but...oh, that reminds me, Pym! I need your help evaluating my sperm!" And that should just make the man delighted! Jarvis? He sighs silently. Ant-Man looks at the coffee and the breathing bag and then decides on the coffee. He says tiredly, "You know I'm kind of nostalgic for the good old days when I just had to worry about Ultron going into my lab." Natasha... /stares/ at Stark. Stares. With that look of incredulousness she usually reserves for Barton. When he's coming up with some master plan that involves grappling and net arrows. "Tony. I think... Pym... may need some time to /not/ be dealing with problems your sperm has wrought. Actually, why don't you two... not... do genetic things. For awhile. Build a robot. Or a newer flying car. Or something. Just..." "I never want to hear you ask Pym to look at your sperm again, Tony. For my sanity. Please." Natasha is rubbing her temples. Ant-Man pats Natasha's hand. "Thank you. Yes building a robot. A nice one. A nice one with an off switch ... and pretty face. I could deal with that. Vision will like having a friend. I think I may just have robots instead of kids. So the odd one tries to kill me. It happens. Better that than I worry about them dating." "Did we program Jocasta with an off switch?" Wait, Tony is trying to remember that part! "But sure, we can umm..work on something else and I'll try and figure it out on my own. I got some articles I need to read on genetic copying into the sper..." Tony is interrupted by Jarvis' proper voice, "Really sir, must you say that word /again/?" "Oh, sorry Jarvis," Tony states. "Anyway! We can tinker with something! I'm sure we can find some mischief to get into." A whirlwind dressed in designer fashion bursts into the room. Without waiting for an invitation, Janet rushes across to give Pym a kiss on the cheek, then slumps down into an empty chair. "Henry, dear, remind me to change my phone number. I really need to stop having people calling me to be their personal seamstress. " She sighs..."I would have been here sooner but certain people are so persistent. " Janet twitters some fingers towards Nat in a wave, then straightens a bit when she sees Tony. Just a little, though. Jan speaks to Natasha, indicating towards Pym. "Hank thought you could use another girl in the room. I told him you can handle both of them easily....but he was persistent." "I'm sure you can," Natasha says dryly. "Try not to have whatever mischief it is become the next supervillain AI robot hellbent on killing us all. That /and/ twins? My blood pressure could not take it." "Janet, good to see you... come in, share the /lovely/ news. Twice as many miniStarks. I will be size of whale in a matter of weeks. This is all Tony's fault, somehow." She has reached the point she normally does while in the middle of an op going horribly wrong: greeting it with dark humor. Usually only Clint sees this. Doubtful that Stark has seen much of it. "Actually, very much Tony's fault. I have decided. I will blame him for this." She finishes her tea-- miniscule amounts of caffeine, yes please, more?-- and smiles at Jarvis. "How have you handled this man for so many years? He is nothing but trouble. Now there will be two more. Also trouble, they are his," she gestures to Stark with a slight sigh. "I apologize in advance, Jarvis." Ant-Man chugs the rest of his Irish coffee looking at Jan and says, "Ah. Having a hard day with clients ... Tony wants me to evaluate ... genetic material. I think I have you beat." "It will be a sexy whale. I mean! You won't be as large as you think Nat!" Tony fixed that pretty quickly! "No pink allowed if girls are involved, and definitely no pink if boys. And yes, twins. Not sure how it's /my/ fault, least not entirely!" Jarvis actually replies to Natasha, "With patience and good ol' British backbone. The fact I was indebted to his Father for saving my life helped his cause." Tony pouts, "That's meaaaaaan Jarvis!" Jarvis actually quirks at the corners of his mouth a bit, "My apologies sir. Though congratulations on the twins." "That makes you Godfather to two then," Stark reminds Jarvis. "Oh my," Jarvis states, remembering that, not that he ever really forgot. The tray he used to carry drinks in earlier is under one arm. "Would you like something to drink Miss van Dyne?" "Wait a minute...." The pesky client is forgotten, as Janet focuses intently upon Natasha. "Did you just say two? As in twins? " Janet seems conflicted...not knowing if she should play the sympathy card or be joyous. From the slow grin that is appearing, the joyfulness is gradually winning, though Jan knows enough to keep it in check. The mention of godfather does not escape Jan. Her eyes regard Jarvis with a bit of compassion...as if she can imagine what raising two of Tony's offspring would be like. "No thank you, Jarvis. I am quite set." She then turns to Pym...and punches him in the arm. Lightly, but enough to make it felt. "Could have told me that! Would have gotten me here sooner!" "Mmph. Yes, twins. Apparently." Natasha doesn't miss Janet's smile. She sighs. "I suppose at least getting it all out of the way at once. Now Tony has all the children he could possibly want, and no one ever has to suffer through his over-protectiveness and emailing articles about how to be pregnant to her at three in the morning." A pointed look towards Stark. Ant-Man's holocard beeps. He answers it and looks at the image displayed with a little dismay. "Why the heck is the AI tapdancing?" he mutters to himself. He gets up quickly and moves for the exit while Janet has them distracted. He shows a little hesitation at the door. Then he heeds science's call and gets the hell out of Dodge. "I can't help it I only sleep about four hours a night tops typically," Tony states! "You yelled at me the one night you woke up to me staring at you!" Wait, is he being serious? Maybe. But he then says, "Anyway, you are adorable when you are mad. Sometimes I poke at you just to see your sexy growl." He's totally grinning. Stupid happy man. Jarvis gives Natasha a worried glance. And come to think about it? "Let me show you to the door Dr. Pym," and Jarvis is so chasing after him to escape as well in a regal manner of course! Jan watches Henry make for the door. She opens her mouth as if to say something, then closes it. That happy grin is quickly replaced with a slightly forlorn expression. It is obvious she wanted some time with Pym. The sad expression fades from Jan, but the joy is slow to return. However, now that Jarvis left, Jan can express her thought she just had. "I love Jarvis dearly, but do you really think an 80 year old butler can handle not one but two children? especially knowing that they will be difficult to protect, considering their parentage?" Natasha nods, agreeing with Janet. "Tony and I will have to figure out something. Jarvis will not be inflicted with that responsibility, if I have anything to say of it." And she does. And her glance at Tony is stern. His comments are ignored... ish. Not encouraging him! nope! "The children will be trouble, as I said. If they have even half of our... potential." Tony shrugs, "Honestly, if something happened to Nat and me, I suspect Jarvis will take them to Britain, I think he has family there, or ask for help with the Avengers. He would make sure they were brought up right though and protected. He has a good head on his shoulders, his age never crossed my mind," but there is worry that touches Stark's eyes. "Na...he will live forever." It's Jarvis. And Tony, needs to cling to that a little while longer. He knows Jarvis will do right by the kids, but the age is concerning. "I wonder if Steve would forgive me if I made him a super soldier...." "Oh, the little scamps will have a lot of pseudo aunts and uncles to watch over them." A little of that smile returns to Janet. She's feeling a bit better. "So...two. too early to tell the sexes yet...so I can't get started on outfits." The talk of baby clothing is warming up Jan even more. "That means you simply have to tell me as soon as you know." Natasha rubs her temples. "I am more concerned with the various 'friends' Stark and I have made over the years sending baby shower gifts or paying visits." Sarcasm, of course. No one wants the visit from whatever villain of the week decides he or she wants to strike at Iron Man through his infant children. Nat's mind is already thinking about tactical considerations for their safety. "I have to redesign the house, enlarge the panic room some too," Tony states. He hrms, "Alright, we will see how things go. In the meantime...wait, has anyone told Asia about the babies?" Oops! Jan shakes her head. "Hey, I just found out are talking in the plural sense just a bit ago. And I don't go around announcing news outside of my own without proper channels." There is a slight nod towards Natasha, then Jan moves on. "personally, I think you both may be going into over planning mode. just a little. a not that you don't have valid reasoning. Just need to loosen up just a bit.” Natasha snuggles back into Tony's neck again. "Perhaps we are overplanning a touch. Stark moreso." Janet has no idea how deep down that rabbit hole he's been going. "But it is what it is." She kisses Tony gently, almost tenderly. Then she says with a bright smile, "/You/ are telling the Director it is twins." Still with that same smile, she looks back at Janet. Master of torture, this one. "Wait..do you think he was the one that sent me the crate of condoms?!" Yes, it JUST hit Tony. "Son of a.....alright, fine, I'll go see him," and Stark frowns at that thought. As for over-planning? "Not over-planning, being practical. Or did you forget my history?" Committed one girlfriend to an insane asylum, got shot in the back literally by another, buried two, and only one came back from the dead and had to reverse brain washing....ya....people close to Tony end up DEAD or crazy...innocent by-standers. So ya, he's over-protective. "Anyway," and he kisses the top of Nat's head. "Go lay down and relax some. I'll see if I can track down McCoy and see if he's willing to play doctor for you in a so NOT sexual way." Natasha smirks as Tony kisses her forehead, replying simply "As you wish, Stark." She considers. "Perhaps we'll arrange a time when he's free-- I'd rather relax in bed than in medbay." That's a valid point at least. At least Stark hasn't started to carry her. Again. "If only I can get my Hank to play doctor for me." From the way Jan phrased that, she is fully intending the sexual innuendo. "speaking of...I better go check on him. He has been acting....funny as of late. not like himself at all." Jan pauses...then regards the two parents-to-be. "remember. Tell me as soon as you know the sexes. I got big plans for them." "Oh...right, he's...fine," just neither him or Pym have told Janet they used her brain waves to...oops? They really though the other asked permission! And BOY does Tony look guilty to Nat, though Janet will likely not notice anything unusual. "Take care!" He's extra cheerful at that! And then carrying back upstairs...yep, cause Nat was curled up in his lap!